So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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