i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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