My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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