Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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