I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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