why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
