wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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