dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
