my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The Olympian is in my bed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
