thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
