We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
