Umm I'm too high to move.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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