pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
