I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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