you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
