I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
