When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
