I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
