She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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