Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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