drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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