Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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