Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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