i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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