The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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