the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
