Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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