I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
