it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hippo gnu deer
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
