dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
