My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
