Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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