She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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