Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
