If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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