I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
