Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
