Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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