What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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