Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
