All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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