He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we're making bets on your personal life
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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