I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
