me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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