Kiss
Puke
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
