Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
