weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
