I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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