After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
