he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
