Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
