I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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