Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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