I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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