sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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